Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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