I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
