I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize