Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
only if we run a train.
done.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize