i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
