Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
