We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
