when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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