note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
