my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
