if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
