it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
