I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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