suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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