Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
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WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
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She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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