Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
