Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This is the high leading the old right now
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
