You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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