i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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