We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
