So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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