I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
