Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
