There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
