week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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