if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
