I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
someone owes me an orgasm
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
