Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
