I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
