I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
