dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
