OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
