also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
MIDGETS
????
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
