it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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