Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
