there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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