Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize