i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
