tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
