oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she peed on how many people?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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