I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
