You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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