i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize