ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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