Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize