so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Actions speak louder than pants.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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