I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
