"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
