You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
