I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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