Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
