I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize