At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
