i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
