I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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