I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
