my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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