I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
