Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
