it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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