he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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