Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
