Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
