The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
