whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
