He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
