I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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