he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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