You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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