My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
