I hate all girls vehemently.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
