I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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