I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
