I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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