It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
