Pass out mid-funnel last night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
