Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
