My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
