Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
