try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
