i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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