He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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