i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
