Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
