My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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