i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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