I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
