Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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