my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I hope mine doesn't look like that
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
