He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
