party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
